cook?

Definitely not one but I do like to cook things here and there. Thanks to Jane (love u dearest!) I have this 30 min. meal cook book and I'm loving it! I must say, buying the ingredients are hefty. I think I'm a much better baker than a cook haha. Anyways what's my favorite thing to cook? Definitely congee and pasta ^^ simple and easy =) Here are some of the things I cook though not much cause I don't take pics of everything I cook Congee I made from Itkman with Thai Pa thong Ko ( it's donuts but the taste is just like jaw yau gui)

I believe this was angel hair w/ some spices and added oregano at the end (which is not picture).
I think this is cheddar chowder soup! It's from the cookbook ;D
I had fun making this! It's sausage and chicken gumbo! sauce it over rice and you have a good meal!

Here's something I bake! It's strawberry cheesecake. I baked it for my friend, Jun, and it was actually my first time baking any cheesecake! He and Mike love it or at least they claim so haha I thought it was pretty good, thank you very much! ;]

Here's a few site where I get my recipe/inspiration from:

foodwishes.com/youtube account
Itkman
joyofbaking
allrecipe
aeriskitchen
maangchi
Ruenthaiforum

Proactiv Solution

I'm eating congee( will talk on next post) that I just made while my face is feeling refresh and smells so goood because of the green tea moisturizer.

So I got this proactiv offer in the alloy package that came to me about 3 weeks ago. It was for $19.99+$5.99 s/h for the three step solution, refining mask, and green tea moisturizer. I decided why not? I've been wanting to try it out for the longest time but because I'm not really acne prone and it was quite expensive, I put it off.

I receive the package last night after I came home from school! I was ecstatic because I was expecting it on friday, which was what customer service told me. It came in a package like this :




I tried it for the first time last night and the smell wasn't that bad at all. Many people complain about how bad the smell was but it wasn't strong enough for me to even notice it.

I like the cleanser because it have these small beads in it and I actually feel like its cleansing my face. The toner sort of give this stingy senstation on the areas where I have my pimples. The repairing lotion is liquity and after putting all three on my face my face feel tighten and sort of dry, but there wasn't any dry flakes or patches whatsoever. I only felt it for maybe a few minutes to 30?

This morning I cleanse my face and put on the toner then I dampen my face and put on the refining mask, which should be use 2-3 times a weel. I'll be using it once every week lol. I think I didn't put on enough because I only put on a thin layer and it isn't as thick and white like I've seen on youtube lol. However, it really tighten my face and my pores did seem to appear smaller. After I apply the green tea moisturizer because my face got so dry after the mask that dry patches were forming (this is actually normal for some). I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE GREEN TEA MOISTURIZER! It smells soooooooooooooooooooo goood! and it does moisturize, my dry patches went away. It is such a small tube though =[ I think I will have to invest in this.

I am disappointed because the three step solutions weren't full size. They were like 1 oz. and 2 oz. I believe the full size are probably 4 oz. +. For the price, its not bad. I only plan on using this one time to see how well my skin adapt to it.

Overrall, I can't say it's working because I've only use it once but it does look promising. My skin isn't breaking out yet so I'll continue it and keep an update on it!

Chinese Weddings

I decided to not go. I realize I just hate these type of gathering, scratch that, socializing. I don't even know the groom and bride as well as 3/4 of the people there. All these people around the designated table for my family will be talking about school and just yap yap yap. You get it right? the updates on life, how bad the kids are doing, comparing the kids, did I mention comparing of the kids?! I guess the only good thing about this are the foods.

The dinner starts at 6. It's 7:31 now. I just hate when people are late. I mean if its once in a while for a casual meeting, then that's fine, but god damn it, its a wedding event!

So my dad was promise a ride from this "friend" and well he's freaking late! Then we have the other friend relative who is willing to drive him there because they so happen to be going to the wedding also, so why didn't he take the offer? Because he promise the other friend first. Gosh, if you knew the type of work the friend does and that he is in Staten Island, why did you promise him in the first place! It's not hard to call the dude and kindly reject his offer! and the worst part? the dude didn't even call to say he's running late! He finally calls and by the time they get there, it'll be 830-9. What's the point. Gosh.

I'm glad I didn't go.

Mature

I can't say how much more I have mature but I know I've gain that much to realize what I am doing and what I have to do.

So the previous post was some real venting but I would like to take a step back because I felt a bit of guilt. In my last post, I sound like I was blaming my parents especially my father for the life I am living now. But recently I have realize that they are doing this for my brother and I. They just did it the wrong way and that doesn't lessen their love for us. I was actually thinking that I was proud of them because they thought of us before them. I mean com'n which parent doesn't put their child before them ? But when my father told me that the main reason why we came over here was because of my brother's asthma, my heart sunk and my disappointment was elevated. It's true I guess, that Asian parents prefer a son rather than a daughter. But then again, they would do the same thing for me if I was the one with a sickness. I can only go back to when I was little and sick. I remember it was in the middle of the night and I was in pain but couldn't sleep but my dad cradle me in his arms until I would fall asleep. I always use that to relieve myself whenever I feel angry. I know my dad and mom and doing all they can to provide the fam. with a living expense and whenever I see their faces, it just pains me but I really can't express it to them because well that how I am and I've been used to it ( not expressing my care for them). Which I know I should change but I can't. Maybe in the future. It doesn't lessen my love for them either. But I'll try working on it, really, I will. I'm going to be fucking 21 already and I need to show them that i can do well on my own and I really want them to be in retirement, living the rest of their life in paradise.

This past week have been really hectic because I've come to find out my situation has no hope. So I went to an attorney and well he just told me to continue my education and find out the info from the london univ. I am interested in and see him in May again. This leads to my main point of my post. My dad don't like the idea of me going off to another country all by myself and well if I go to london then there is no point in them staying in NY and I don't want them to relocate and start the same situation all over again just this time I'll probably be better off. And I don't want them to stay in NY and work hard because my brother is just not doing his best in school (not even a C avg.) so their hopes in him for the future is very dim and it will be only ME supporting them.

Today I finally got my certificate from school for being on the president's list ( I got a 4.0 gpa ) and my dad finally recognize the fact that I got all A's. He goes and asked me what I want as a reward from him. He asked if I want an I-pod? I-phone? because I don't have one due to the fact of my 10% hearing loss I tend to stay away from listening to them and don't ever want to go clubbing again. Sad, I know. When he asked, i felt bad because I was expecting to be happy, though I was kind of satisfied b/c he finally wanted to spoiled me for once, but I was sad because I felt bad, I had to do this just to get a reward from him but my brother doesn't need to do much to get his jackets, his mp3 and whatnot. It hit me when he said why all boys in the Yu family are so disgrateful and why only the females are doing the better. The boys (my cousins and brother) were well off when they were little but as they grow older, it gets worst and they just end up the total opposite. I never want my father's pride to be hurt. Never. and I don't want them to spend another dime on me with the exception of college tuition. I even now rather walk to work so my mom can use the metro and not have to walk home so late at night.

I simply told him, I don't want anything. I have already rewarded myself with a bunch of shopping. He goes it better be useful. I was considering asking him in getting the asus pc eee 900HA so portable and just what I need to kill time during my gap in school! But I stop. Then again why not use that $300 for some expenses in london ?! yea I have to think smart and save.

Today I had to use the metro to give my friend something and it was my fault for not telling him so he came out of the station and well I had to go in and wait for him. He came and I'm waiting and hes waiting and I feel that he feels I am angry and frustrated and is in a rush. Just looking at him standing there waiting with that face and trying to see if he can spot a friend who could swipe him in make me really sad. thinking and typing this makes me want to tear. I realize how old he has gotten and I shouldn't let him feel ashamed. I really don't want them to feel guilty and sad because of the life their children are in. Sigh, again I guess I should really start working on expressing my feelings and how happy I am. THIS REALLY FRUSTRATE ME! ALL I WANT IS FOR US TO BE HAPPY.

I love my parents and I felt bad for blaming them in my last post. I will never again do that.

Gosh, I really am not the type to stay the way I feel. I always end up feeling guilty. This goes even towards my friends and work life, I just can't be the unhappy with people, I always want everyone around me to feel happy because then I don't feel the burden and then will I only feel comfortable and truly happy because well in the end nothing is bothering me nor do I have to feel guilty or pity.

SAD

today was going quite fine. Woke up, ate, finish my discussion question, finish my accounting homework. Now it is 8:30 pm. 30 minutes ago the Oscars started and I've been wanting to watch it since yesterday. I did not watch tv all day but tried to finish whatever assignment I was left with. Comes the Oscars and my FATHER apparently isn't watching any of his chinese series so I ask him to turn to the channel I wanted. HE goes, "what are you doing? You have the computer and your doing hw( I have a txt book out) and now you want to watch the tv? YOU WON"T GET ANYTHING DONE" I simply ignore him and just said turn the channel. He got so mad and shut of the channels and decided to watch his chinese series on the DVD. He said this in chinese " I always give it your way, We (mom and dad) work all day, cook and clean, I just want my own time". EXCUSE ME!? Just before, ever since the afternoon, all he had watch was his fucking series.

Now I just have to let this all out. This life I am living now is not what I ASK for. Every time I think of it, I cry because to me, this is very unfair. IF they want to complain how hard they are working for us they should have never made the decision to ever come here and once they do they should DO EVERYTHING that can possible can to make it more easier for the FAMILY. PLAN AHEAD! DO NOT GO DRIVING ON THE ROAD KNOWING THERE IS A DEAD END. I RATHER THEM DRIVE TO THE END AND HAVE US ALL KILL IF I KNEW THE LIFE THAT WAS AHEAD OF US! I want to be like everyone else but I can't and I don't know WHEN I can. They always say " all i want is for you to be good in school and graduate from college" OK then fucking mean that! I'm doing what I'm doing ! IM IN FUCKING COLLEGE and you know what ?!?! I GOT A 4.0 GPA LAST SEMESTER! what did my dad say ? " really ? thats good!" THEN he just goes off asking my brother how he is doing and if he is getting straight As like me. MY BROTHER ALWAYS CUT SCHOOL and doesn't even have C average in HS!! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? He treats my brother BETTER THAN ME! whenever he comes home late, he doesn't get really mad or yell loudly! He always goes out with his friends to play basketball and shit, BUT WHAT DO I GET ? why are you out so late!! Why you always go out! and recently all i get is thats good! in regards to my GPA! WHAT THE FUCK ! TALK ABOUT FATHERS WHO LIKE SONS MORE THAN DAUGHTERS! TONIGHT just got even more piss. ALWAYS saying how he gives in to my ways. SHUT THE FUCK UP OK!

ALL I WANT NOW IS TO MOVE TO EUROPE AWAY FROM THEM WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO NAG AND GET ME UPSET AND JUST LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND!

IM turning 21 in 4 months and I don't even know what to think. ALL I DO NOW IS IGNORE THEM. WHY ? BECAUSE TEHRE IS NO POINT IN LETTING KNOW WHAT I THINK! THEY WONT UNDERSTAND! THEY ONLY THINK THEY ARE THE RIGHT ONES JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE OLDER AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE IS. THAT IS BULLSHIT!

I DONT KNOW WHY I WAS BORN IN THIS WORLD!

CLEANSING WATER

One of my must have products is MISSHA Clear Cleansing Water. Let me introduce you guys to MISSHA. Missha is a Korean brand that is categorize in skincare and makeup. It's inexpensive and quite good. The first time I've started out with their skin products, my face gotten whiter and healthy! I've stop when I ran out and just decided to do elsewhere. But I've been very loyal to this. It comes in handy in many ways.

I'm the type that is very lazy so in the morning I hate cleansing my face with those foaming soapy ones where I have to put my hair in a bun. With MCCW, all i had to do was just pump it into a cotton pad and wipe away! great and I feel refresh!

I also use this to wipe away makeup up mishaps. Especially my eye makeup. Whenever I do my eyelining wrong or is dissatisfied with it all I do it pump some of the water onto a Q-tip and all is good !

I also use it to wipe my brushes if I ever have to reuse it with a diff. shadow =)

SEE HOW CONVENIENT this is! lols Well I hope you guys give it a try and let me know what you think !

Next POST on my hair care ! =]

BODY BUTTER

Today's review is on my new found body moisturizer ! I've never used any body lotion whatsoever except for my hands. I've gotten sick of perfume so I've discovered the body butter from The Body Shop. I've heard a lot of things about it as wells as how the body shop claims to be the most natural and best body butters out there. So I've gave it a try with the SHEA BODY BUTTER and I've absolutely love it! After a week used, it moisturizes my back very well. I shower with hot water a lot and my back takes most of it to keep me warm during the winter time so it became harsh and some pimples will pop up once in a while but this body butter made my back smooth and pimple free! Smells like I've just came out of the shower and it last quite long.
I also got the mango body butter for the heck of it and it has a much stronger mango smell to it and didn't do my body any justice lols. It's great for my feet though ! The body shop have all kinds of body butter so be sure to check them out !